New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
smell my finger.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
