Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
