did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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