I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize