is your mom at the bar?
i don't like sucking hair
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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