Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
