Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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