How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
