I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
