Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
