I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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