he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
