my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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