So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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