My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
