Soap is not a condiment
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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