So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
