I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
