Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
