her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
