Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My pussy is not your playground.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
