i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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