fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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