I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize