At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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