toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
