We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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