i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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