I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
