Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
