Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
