He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
