The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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