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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.

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• (585): View more from New York

  okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.

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• (914): View more from New York

  He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories

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• (716): View more from New York

  There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  How are you feeling?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT

  (912): View more from Georgia

  WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often

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