i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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