yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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