i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
