It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
