just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
