i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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