my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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