If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
