my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize