i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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