I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
