your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
