You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
