And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
