i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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