I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
