sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
