dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
