My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
