No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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