pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
