I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
