I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
