We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
