i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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