i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize