I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
