you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
