In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize