My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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