if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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