what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
