I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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