final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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