She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
