I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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