she woke up with a sticky ear
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
