She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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