You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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